It began in the early morning light, wisps of clouds illuminated from behind, it seemed, bringing in the cooler air, clearing that heaviness late summer can bring.
Soon enough, the birds started greeting the day, the chirps and whistles and trills, their wings slicing through the emerging blue, opening my heart and perhaps their own.
My body twisted and stretched between the warmth and weight of the soft white sheets and the multicolored quilt above, the many threads being pulled and release by the movement.
The dogs barked, a sign that the pilgrimage of young children on their way to the school at the bottom of the hill had begun, across the street on the bike path which connects the city with the mountains, if you follow it all the way.
An early morning kiss and a questioning of how we slept exchanged with my beloved, the wish of a good day ahead and a pause to remember what a gift he is, this companion on my path.
The pulling on of a favorite soft shirt and stretchy pants, ones that can withstand the splashing of paint later in my beautifully chaotic studio, the knowing that today there is time to dance and paint and play.
The intake of breath, the pause and the holding of that air within, the finding of the still place, the steady release, the pulling in of the diaphragm. The present and the present, this ability to breathe freely.
The flicker of light of the magic box, bringing me news of friends far and near, an invitation to be a part of a new and wondrous offering, the opportunity to capture the essence of a brave soul. The love sent and received.
The boiling of water, the measuring of spice and black tea leaves, the chopping of greens and fresh limes. The whirring of machines as the dogs smile, hopeful and on their best behavior. The pouring of it all.
And the sitting in the carefully chosen (so long ago now, as we made our home) chair, the arms faded and silky. The setting of the timer, the flowing of the words, the joy of expression.
This day. It holds so much potential, so much room for grace and ease.
Later in the morning, it came to my attention that this is a significant day. Here’s what I posted on Facebook…
Today, I’m told, is Suicide Prevention Day.
Almost exactly 17 years ago, I tried to kill myself. Luckily, I failed. Luckily, there were wonderful people who caught me, who held me, who kept me company through years and years of remembering, processing, healing. Luckily, I’m still here, and I get to catch and hold and keep other beautiful souls.
If you are feeling unwelcome in this world, or so overwhelmed with pain/shame/giref/whatever that it feels like you can’t stay, know that I see you, that many can and will see you. And while it can be a hard road, this one to staying, it is one that leads to incredible beauty, to love, to the truth that you are, indeed, a very valuable part of this place we call home.
If you need help, please ask. It’s there, just waiting for you. Ask here, call a hotline, talk to someone on the bus. There are angels here on earth, everywhere.
Please stay with us.